One Man

It's hard to think of things that are true. That I am such a difficult person many find it easier to avoid my presence. That I've only known one man who I knew could have handled me until old age and I left him years ago because I knew he'd be better off. I didn't want to settle for that. I don't want to be just handled. I want to be challenged. I want to grow. I want to learn from someone and have them learn from me. Most of all I want someone who will teach me to laugh at myself and all of my phobias and neurosis--someone to hold my hand and laugh in the face of evil things, approaching them and intimidating them until they are so small.

Nothing else will work. This is clear now.

x

easy

I feel like I'm often accused of being too emotional. Maybe that's just my paranoia talking (paired with one or two other people who all too often feel the wrath of my emotions) but I know it's wrong. When compared to most, I'm a calm woman who rarely reveals herself and I feel like I need to be appreciated more for that. I've never had a flare for the dramatic. I've never understood people who do.

Pick up your camera-

I've had such an amazing time so far. I've spent more time in the ocean than I thought I would. I've assisted on photoshoots that made the cover of the Maui Time (another one this Saturday), I've been meeting and helped out a ton of artists on the island (some of which are paying me), and best of all--I've been editing shorts for the film like crazy. I've shot and edited some for fun, too.

I wish equipment and software wasn't so expensive. I'm sure there are a ton of people out there with the talent but with no money to get started, at all. This opportunity fell in my lap but once I leave here I'm at square one and will probably have to beg for someone to share their FinalCut with me. $1,000 for software? That's just plain mean...

I LOVE taking photos but I'm GOOD AT shooting/editing video. They are such different things. I would love to be as good at taking pictures as I am at editing video.

But I feel most comfortable in the house pouring over fashion and photoblogs and telling myself I could do the same thing without even trying. I have two great cameras and I keep making excuses for not using them.

I know what it is. I could go around taking pictures of the pretty flowers and rainbows and waterfalls... but I really want to take pictures of my heinous, hot-mess, foul-mouthed, belligerently drunk friends. New York is so gross and beautiful. No one curses here! There aren't enough perverts! And I know people would disagree with me but there's no point in arguing. I know the best pervs around.

So, I've recruited the best one I know to take a two-week long roadtrip with me up and down the West coast to visit various pervs from different parts of my life. Here--HERE is where I will take the pictures AND the video. This is where I can really release that passion.

Then I retreat back to New York to give everyone I love a good long squeeze before I run away again.

No pictures. See above explanation.

Harvest Moon

When I was at Baldwin Beach two years ago Emily and I saw this house and joked that we'd move in.

















Since then, the beach has eroded so badly that they'll have to tear it down.





Tonight's the harvest moon and it's so bright that the moonlight is bursting through the windows. Olinda is pretty high in elevation so at night it gets cool enough to wear sweaters. I like being a little bit cold at night.

I haven't written one line or picked up a work of fiction since I stepped off the plane. It's unnerving that I could so easily let something like that go. So easily that I didn't notice at all.

I wouldn't say that I'm settling in by any means but I've discovered abilities that wouldn't have been recognized had I stayed put. I've been playing my 35mm (sorry, nothing developed yet) but not so often. More of my time is spent editing (with final cut) for the movie and for fun. I'm surprised by how quickly I'm learning and I'm scared to jinx it but I would love for this to be the creative occupation that I can use to sustain myself financially. I'd have absolutely no problem with that. And that's something I've never said about anything.

Here's hoping.

Kipahulu

Spending a long weekend in this place.

This should be a giant, game-changing fuckhouse. Stole a camera. Pictures soon.

Meteor Showers

I got out. I'm in (on..whatever) Maui.

Transitions aren't easy. This one has been alright.

Above is a picture of the place where you get some of the best fish tacos on the small area of the planet I know, anyway. My cameras dead, the charger on the mainland, so cellphone pictures are all I've got for now.

no shoes
road sodas
waterfalls instead of pools
meteor showers
and a world of people who know nothing about me

Maui is small in the middle of a big ocean. You can feel it no matter where you are. Everything moves. There is always at least a breeze, usually much more.

When I was a brick in a house of stone I was not moved by wind and now I tremble madly...

...and drink Big Swell beer. Lots of it.

GO

Adventure time. Seattle airport is nice. Good bar. Friendly bartender who gives me double vodka drinks and decent food. Recommended.

Is it trashy that I like airports?

R