It's hard to think of things that are true. That I am such a difficult person many find it easier to avoid my presence. That I've only known one man who I knew could have handled me until old age and I left him years ago because I knew he'd be better off. I didn't want to settle for that. I don't want to be just handled. I want to be challenged. I want to grow. I want to learn from someone and have them learn from me. Most of all I want someone who will teach me to laugh at myself and all of my phobias and neurosis--someone to hold my hand and laugh in the face of evil things, approaching them and intimidating them until they are so small.